I receive lots of messages each day requesting my thoughts on different topics. Because I’m unable to respond to each query one-on-one I try to explore each topic through my blogs/articles so that it can be helpful to others too. One such topic I was asked about is what to do when your close friends tell you small lies. For example, one lady said to me that she recently found out that one of her closest friends bought a new place. Yet, whenever there had been a discussion about buying a house, that friend had always said they have no plans of buying one yet. So, when this lady found out the truth, she was quite hurt. She wondered why so much secrecy and why she couldn’t have been told, considering they were good friends.
Here are my thoughts on this topic:
Lots of people keep lots of things secret. Yes, even from their close friends. Even from their BEST friends. And there can be multiple reasons for doing so. Some are superstitious and don’t like to talk about something in case they jinx themselves. Some others want the exclusivity tag and want to achieve something before others in their friend circle can. And some others are deeply private people and prefer not to talk about the most important things in their lives. (I’ve met loads of people who’ve told me their kids don’t go to tuition classes, only to find out later that they had enrolled their kids for every coaching class under the sun )
People are complex creatures and often have very complex reasons for doing the things they do.
Avoid having too many lofty expectations from the term ‘friendship’. As long as the friends you consider ‘true friends’ are there for you MOST of the time, let them have their personal space. They will always have some secrets they’ll never tell you. And that’s perfectly okay. Equally, you are free to keep some things to yourself.
Hurt and betrayal are big terms. If we keep feeling betrayed every time a ‘friend’ doesn’t tell us something, we’ll only make ourselves miserable.
Enjoy the secrets your friends tell you …but equally, let them keep some secrets to themselves. Life is too short to worry too much about these things.
Nim Gholkar, 2021